This is an entry I never thought I would be typing. But I'm beginning to find more and more as time goes on, that I have a tough decision to face.
As many of you know, I have been looking after my Grandmother for the past 7+ years, with little or no family support. While I do have respite care (twice a week for four hours), I'm really finding it difficult to continue.
Before some of you get your knickers in a knot, let me say I continue to love what I do for Gram. Truthfully though, the strain is beginning to get to me, especially when the rest of the family only thinks of me as a maid. And Gram doesn't say anything to discourage them or give me support when I try to voice my displeasure.
And lately, even she is beginning to fight me when I administer (give) her meds. It takes a good 20 minutes to get the meds down, and in some cases, I practically have to shove them down her throat, or she'll spit them out at me.
So my decision is this, do I ask for one more 1/2 day of respite care or do I make the choice I always swore I'd never do, ask Gram's physician to make arrangements for her to go to a care facility.
Sometimes I absolutely hate my life.
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3 comments:
Shari, anyone who really knows you, knows that you love Gram and that you want to do what's best for her. Taking care of her has been your choice all along - and I really think that she's been a lot happier than she would have been if strangers were caring for her.
As for Gram not saying anything when the family mistreats you - you know that she can't speak, anymore. It's not that she doesn't want to, Shari, it's that she can't speak up on your behalf anymore. You know that.
And fighting you on her meds - well, is she honestly fighting you, or is she having trouble swallowing, Shari? You know that Parkinson's causes problems with swallowing...
You asked for opinions about what you should do. Personally, I think you should do whatever feels right to you.
What one person might do isn't necessarily what someone else would do. Ya know? You have to weigh the pros and cons and decide what's best for you and Gram in the long run. I don't think Gram will be in this life for much longer, but then again, she may surprise everyone and live for another ten years. Who knows?
It's a tough decision to have to make either way, that's for sure, and I sure don't envy you the position you're in.
(((((Hugs)))))
Bless you, Shari! I stopped in to visit and couldn't help but comment on this blog.
You know, I read your comments on Holly's blog and thought, "Now there is a wonderful compassionate person!" I was right!
Caring for another person -- fixing meals, organizing doctor's visits & medication, and dealing with the day-to-day care is a HUGE undertaking. I commend you on your efforts!
Honestly, I think that your Gram would not want to be a burden on you (not that I know your Gram but that is how I would feel). Getting some respite would be a double blessing: you would be able to breathe and your Gram could feel much better about herself.
I'm keeping you in my prayers!
Blessings!
Lacy
Shari, thanks for your understanding and support. I guess you do know what it's like, don't you, considering the fact that you were separated from a part of your family, too... As for second-guessing myself, well, you know how hard that is for me to not do that; it's a learned thing based on conditioning, and you know yourself how hard it is to get past negative conditioning. *hug*
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