Double Standard

Is there a double standard when it comes to rape and incest that says it can't happen to a man or that a man should be able to take better care of himself, including being able to escape the abusive situation. You wouldn't think so, but I'm seeing a situation develop that is forcing me to rethink my views on that.

Should there be? IMHO, no. Victims of abuse (physical, sexual, incestuous) are just that victims, and because of that gender should not play a role in whether probing questions are asked.

I belong to an online group (names of it, and people involved are being withheld for privacy reasons). We have a case where a male member needs help because of being a victim of sexual abuse. When he came to the group seeking help, he notified and explained to the hosts only (which I have no problem with) the details of his horrific situation.

Yet as I attempted to tactfully offer him moral support while he struggles to recover from the horror he has gone through (feeling that in time he would be able to talk about what happened without becoming emotional), I watched with dread as another member without IMHO meaning too, come across as rather demanding in wanting to know the circumstances surrounding his request for help.

I mentioned this to one of the hosts in private, trying to encourage the hosts to require the use of a bit more diplomacy and tact, because it is a difficult issue to talk about, only to see the opposite happen. Is it because the victim in this incident is a man, who is according to definition supposed to be the strong one, the provider, able to look after himself. I wonder if a female member of that group asked for help citing the same reasons, would members be more sympathetic, or would they still demand the same type of answers. I honestly don't know. One thing I do know is while the questions may be legitimate ones, we must remember we are not the victim and respect his right to privacy, especially if he is not ready not to have to discuss things with the public. IMHO that is one reason so many victims do not come forward, because they are made to feel it was their fault, they brought this on themselves, etc.

And of course, the other part of the equation is this. What if the member turns out to be a fraud. Well, it will be a lesson well learned for me.

Regardless of whether this member is telling the truth or not, I still stand by an old saying "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Meaning should this member be a fraud, to encourage him to post the material that would trip him up is better than driving him away by being too rough.

Just my opinion.