Pity Party Time again!!!

God I hate this. Lately when I come to post, it seems to be because I'm feeling sorry for myself. Well this post is no different. I can't stand the pain anymore, and yet I have to wait another week, before I can go for my surgery.

I'm truly tempted to cancel out of the surgery and just let the damn cancer take me. I'm so fed up with the crying jags (which get so bad I almost feel like throwing up). I'm fed up with the continual pain (I'm still using my painkillers, but even they don't help as much as they used too). I'm fed up with trying to be cheerful when I go see Gram, instead of just laying my head in her lap and crying and telling her the truth. I'm really fed up with the lack of sleep from all of this, which zaps my energy and stops me from getting my brand new computer.

If I don't get some relief and soon, well......