more than a band-aid solution.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/01062006/2/xhealth-75-cent-women-shelters-risk-murdered-study.html
What the study authors are suggesting will do nothing to protect women/or men from the abusive partner. Instead of telling governments they need to fix the legal system so that those who abuse are dealt with as criminals, they are saying "give us more money for social housing, job assistance, etc.
It's fine to put an abuse victim into a new house, but short of a legal name change, abusers can and do still find their victims, with tragic results. And let's face it, if abusers are having difficulty locating their victims, there are private eyes who can do it for them.
No, IMHO the only solution is to treat abusers like criminals (toughen penalties and enforcement procedures). Then as soon as an abuser is charged, issue an automatic restraining order with a copy to the local police department. Then if the order is not enforced, charge the police officers with aiding and abetting a known criminal.
Mind you, there are ways around a restraining order and the abuser doesn't have to be directly involved. Guaranteed, there are sleazy private eyes who know people who will take care of things while the abuser sets up a perfect alibi. The case that comes to mind is not O.J. Simpson, but of a provincial politician here in Canada, Colin Thatcher.
He was convicted of murdering his ex-wife Joanne Wilson, and is just now getting full parole. The case was built on circumstanial evidence, and Thatcher, who still maintains his innocence, claimed he was having dinner out of town when the murder took place. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn't, but I do know this. He and his family were wealthy enough, they could have hired someone to do the deed.
Even restraining orders aren't perfect, that's why anyone accused of abuse, needs to be locked up until their trial. Stop victimizing the victims of abuse, by slapping abusers on the wrist and saying "that was naughty, don't do it again."
More to come
Friday, June 02, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
My dear friend SB...
has pointed out something that I didn't realize I was doing. Instead of being gender neutral in my postings, I tended to leave an impression that only members of the male sex were abusers.
That was never my intention and I do apologize for those statements. My intention was to show that both men and women can be abusers/just as both can be involved in abusive relationships.
While fathers/males get the rap for most cases of physical abuse, mothers are just as bad. However it seems that the justice system tends to find excuses to justify the females abusive tendencies (post-partum depression; depression; and any other forms of mental illness you can find.
Also while males tend to be more physically abusive, females and mothers are more emotionally abusive (you're not worthy; you'll never amount to anything; etc). And those are just the common phrases they use.
In my case, my Mother abandoned her parental responsibilities a year after I was born (she and my Father were divorced---she got custody; he never even had visitation rights). I was raised and nutured in a loving home by my Maternal Grandparents, however I still feel the sting of that abandonment all these years later.
That's why we need Parenting classes to start as early as possible and for all new Mothers, they need some sort of caregiver just after they get home from the hospital, someone who, although she is helping the new Mom adjust is also the Children's advocate, having been professionally trained to watch for signs of post-partum depression. And if a case occurs, help the new Mom to realize what's going on and what she can do to control/stop it, but at the same time protect the kids (remember Andrea Yates).
The other part of my idea, SB disagrees with is allowing police to investigate alleged incidents of abuse just on the word of a neighbor. I can see what he is getting at. For example, Neighbor A and his wife love the current arrangement of the block (no kids allowed or so they think), when all of a sudden, right next door Neighbor B moves in with 6 bratty kids all under the age of 6 years. So as way to get rid of Neighbor B, Neighbor A goes to the police and says (I think my next door neighbor is abusing his/her kids). So the police arrest Neighbor B based on that suspicion.
Here's the solution to that dilema. I don't know about the laws in Sweden, SB, but here in Canada, if it turns out Neighbor A was wrong about what Neighbor B was doing to his/her kids, then Neighbor A can face criminal charges such as criminal mischief, filing a false police report, not to mention the possibility that Neighbor B, could file a civil lawsuit against Neighbor A for defamation of character.
So IMHO if someone came across a case of child/spousal abuse and reported it, they are going to be sure of their facts based on what could happen to them if they're wrong.
To be continued, and added to in terms of elder abuse
That was never my intention and I do apologize for those statements. My intention was to show that both men and women can be abusers/just as both can be involved in abusive relationships.
While fathers/males get the rap for most cases of physical abuse, mothers are just as bad. However it seems that the justice system tends to find excuses to justify the females abusive tendencies (post-partum depression; depression; and any other forms of mental illness you can find.
Also while males tend to be more physically abusive, females and mothers are more emotionally abusive (you're not worthy; you'll never amount to anything; etc). And those are just the common phrases they use.
In my case, my Mother abandoned her parental responsibilities a year after I was born (she and my Father were divorced---she got custody; he never even had visitation rights). I was raised and nutured in a loving home by my Maternal Grandparents, however I still feel the sting of that abandonment all these years later.
That's why we need Parenting classes to start as early as possible and for all new Mothers, they need some sort of caregiver just after they get home from the hospital, someone who, although she is helping the new Mom adjust is also the Children's advocate, having been professionally trained to watch for signs of post-partum depression. And if a case occurs, help the new Mom to realize what's going on and what she can do to control/stop it, but at the same time protect the kids (remember Andrea Yates).
The other part of my idea, SB disagrees with is allowing police to investigate alleged incidents of abuse just on the word of a neighbor. I can see what he is getting at. For example, Neighbor A and his wife love the current arrangement of the block (no kids allowed or so they think), when all of a sudden, right next door Neighbor B moves in with 6 bratty kids all under the age of 6 years. So as way to get rid of Neighbor B, Neighbor A goes to the police and says (I think my next door neighbor is abusing his/her kids). So the police arrest Neighbor B based on that suspicion.
Here's the solution to that dilema. I don't know about the laws in Sweden, SB, but here in Canada, if it turns out Neighbor A was wrong about what Neighbor B was doing to his/her kids, then Neighbor A can face criminal charges such as criminal mischief, filing a false police report, not to mention the possibility that Neighbor B, could file a civil lawsuit against Neighbor A for defamation of character.
So IMHO if someone came across a case of child/spousal abuse and reported it, they are going to be sure of their facts based on what could happen to them if they're wrong.
To be continued, and added to in terms of elder abuse
Monday, May 29, 2006
I've been thinking....
and I realized that this discussion has been about preventing child/spousal abuse in the future, when the real crisis is how do we help those members of society who are being abused/neglected today. That may be the only way to end abuse and abusive relationships in the future.
A friend made an interesting comment once, when she said "It takes a village to raise a child." Looking back over my formative years, I realize that statement is very true, because I was one kid who if she tried anything illegal, my grandparents would have known about it five minutes later, that's how well known I was in my neighborhood.
Ok, if the village/neighborhood is going to help a family raise its child, make it legally responsible for getting involved. There is a law in France, which makes it illegal for someone who comes upon an accident not to give assistance to those who may have been injured in that accident. A variation of that to help stamp out abuse may be, that if Neighbor A is an abuser and Neighbor B suspects that he is and doesn't report him, and as a result Neighbor A is able to kill his spouse/child(ren) then Neighbor B is charged with being an accessory after the fact.
I want to take a moment to relate an incident which still haunts me to this day. An extemely close childhood friend of mine was a victim of abuse by a parent. I knew about it and to this day, it haunts me that I didn't do anything to help end the suffering. And to make matters worse, we lived just up the street from a police officer.
That's where I see the first step to stopping abuse. Give the local police forces authority that if someone reports a suspected case abuse (either children or spouse), they can go in and investigate. No longer do they have to wait until court orders are obtained to protect a family. I know of a case right here, where a woman was in the hospital recovering from an attack by her husband and had a restraining order saying that the husband was not to come within xamount of yards of her or her family. Well, guess what, the husband violated that order, walked into the hospital, up to his wife's room and shot both her and her mother dead, before fleeing the scene. And when police finally caught up to him, he was dead of a self-inflicted wound. A copy of the restraining order was apparently attached to the woman's chart at the foot of the bed. Restraining orders don't work. What will work is putting child/spousal abuse into the criminal code with tough penalties and make abusers criminals as well as those who aid and abet them by covering things up, though not the victims.
When an abuser is caught, don't charge him with simple abuse (or whatever passes as a criminal charge these days); they need to be charged with assault or if a weapon (like a belt) is used, assault causing bodily harm and assault with a weapon. It's time to stop continuing to victimize the abuse victims and insteaad put the guilt where it belongs, at the feet of those who abuse. Secondly, once the abusers are charged, no bail, to protect the victims. Then the victims should be allowed a restraining order against the members of the abusers family to prevent retaliation for the supposed embarrassment being caused by having this go public.
Then once convicted, the maximum sentence under each charge is applied, no appeal allowed and definitely no shortening of sentences (either by appeal or time off for good behavior) should ever be allowed.
A friend on her blog, the Canuckian; http://wtg.braveblog.com has a link to a story where a judge shortened a convicted abusers sentence. Any judge who does that in the future, should be facing an automatic criminal misconduct investigation.
The only way abuse is going to be stopped is strong mandatory changes to the criminal code and the justice systems of the world.
To be continued
A friend made an interesting comment once, when she said "It takes a village to raise a child." Looking back over my formative years, I realize that statement is very true, because I was one kid who if she tried anything illegal, my grandparents would have known about it five minutes later, that's how well known I was in my neighborhood.
Ok, if the village/neighborhood is going to help a family raise its child, make it legally responsible for getting involved. There is a law in France, which makes it illegal for someone who comes upon an accident not to give assistance to those who may have been injured in that accident. A variation of that to help stamp out abuse may be, that if Neighbor A is an abuser and Neighbor B suspects that he is and doesn't report him, and as a result Neighbor A is able to kill his spouse/child(ren) then Neighbor B is charged with being an accessory after the fact.
I want to take a moment to relate an incident which still haunts me to this day. An extemely close childhood friend of mine was a victim of abuse by a parent. I knew about it and to this day, it haunts me that I didn't do anything to help end the suffering. And to make matters worse, we lived just up the street from a police officer.
That's where I see the first step to stopping abuse. Give the local police forces authority that if someone reports a suspected case abuse (either children or spouse), they can go in and investigate. No longer do they have to wait until court orders are obtained to protect a family. I know of a case right here, where a woman was in the hospital recovering from an attack by her husband and had a restraining order saying that the husband was not to come within xamount of yards of her or her family. Well, guess what, the husband violated that order, walked into the hospital, up to his wife's room and shot both her and her mother dead, before fleeing the scene. And when police finally caught up to him, he was dead of a self-inflicted wound. A copy of the restraining order was apparently attached to the woman's chart at the foot of the bed. Restraining orders don't work. What will work is putting child/spousal abuse into the criminal code with tough penalties and make abusers criminals as well as those who aid and abet them by covering things up, though not the victims.
When an abuser is caught, don't charge him with simple abuse (or whatever passes as a criminal charge these days); they need to be charged with assault or if a weapon (like a belt) is used, assault causing bodily harm and assault with a weapon. It's time to stop continuing to victimize the abuse victims and insteaad put the guilt where it belongs, at the feet of those who abuse. Secondly, once the abusers are charged, no bail, to protect the victims. Then the victims should be allowed a restraining order against the members of the abusers family to prevent retaliation for the supposed embarrassment being caused by having this go public.
Then once convicted, the maximum sentence under each charge is applied, no appeal allowed and definitely no shortening of sentences (either by appeal or time off for good behavior) should ever be allowed.
A friend on her blog, the Canuckian; http://wtg.braveblog.com has a link to a story where a judge shortened a convicted abusers sentence. Any judge who does that in the future, should be facing an automatic criminal misconduct investigation.
The only way abuse is going to be stopped is strong mandatory changes to the criminal code and the justice systems of the world.
To be continued
Sunday, May 28, 2006
While we continue to debate the best course of...
action to deal with abusers and potential abusers, the statistics continue to pile up. This is a link to the latest incident;
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060528/ap_on_re_us/children_killed
And this was a Doctor; an educated man. The kids were four and eight years old.
I for one am tired of talking. We need decisive action and we need it now.
The parenting idea is good, but we can't wait until they are in their twenties before we start teaching them. Kids today are having sex as young as 14 or 15, so the high schools need to have this parenting course in place. And course cannot be taught by a teacher/adult. The best way to get through to kids is to have it be taught by other kids, kids who have been there done that and can mentor the kids who are still free from doing that.
I know for a fact that a lot of kids, who are from abusive homes, look at their first relationship with a boy as a way to break free from the abuse. Without this course, they could be going from one abusive relationship (parent) to another (spouse), simply because someone is giving them the attention they should have received from their parents.
To be continued....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060528/ap_on_re_us/children_killed
And this was a Doctor; an educated man. The kids were four and eight years old.
I for one am tired of talking. We need decisive action and we need it now.
The parenting idea is good, but we can't wait until they are in their twenties before we start teaching them. Kids today are having sex as young as 14 or 15, so the high schools need to have this parenting course in place. And course cannot be taught by a teacher/adult. The best way to get through to kids is to have it be taught by other kids, kids who have been there done that and can mentor the kids who are still free from doing that.
I know for a fact that a lot of kids, who are from abusive homes, look at their first relationship with a boy as a way to break free from the abuse. Without this course, they could be going from one abusive relationship (parent) to another (spouse), simply because someone is giving them the attention they should have received from their parents.
To be continued....
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