That's right, I am fed up with my entire family. Ever since March of this year, they have kept the news that my Great Aunt Win was no longer living in her home, but instead residing in a care facility from both my Grandmother (her sister-in-law) and myself.
Gram and I didn't find out until we were notified of her passing 1 week ago tomorrow. To say I was shocked was a mild understatement. I pretended as though I had known, just to keep my short-fused temper in check, but believe me, I'm hurt by this and I know Gram is too.
At this point, I am lumping my Mother in with the bunch that kept it from us. I have e-mailed her (she's in a different part of the country for the summer), to ask if she was aware and so far she is avoiding answering the question (which says to me until she says otherwise, she knew as well).
When confronted about it on the trip home from the service, My Uncle said "I thought you guys knew." No apologies, just that statement. It feels like Gram and I are no longer part of the family (and yet Gram is the matriarch of our clan).
This was just the latest in a series of events that have made it clear to me that once my responsibilities to Gram are complete, I want to get out of here and as far away from this family as possible (if I could change my name I would). Even at family functions, Gram and I are not included in the conversation. Instead it centers on the stock market (my cousin is training to work in that field). Gram and I are just wallpaper as far as that side of the family is concerned. It has been like that since the passing almost one year ago of my cousin's Mother-in-law.
That's fine though, because after the incident on Wednesday, where Gram got car sick, because my stubborn Uncle thought he knew a better way than I did to get to My Great Aunt's funeral, I saw our Doctor yesterday (Gram and I both have the same GP). While the reason for my seeing him was routine, the discussion was anything but. When I told him what happened, his response was to take a strip off me up one side and down the other, which I still feel I deserved for not being a better caregiver for Gram on the Wednesday.
Our Doctor has also laid the law down. For any future family function, if Gram and I go we must use Handy-Dart. If Handy-Dart can't get us to the location, then we don't go, and the next family function happens to be in an area that Handy-Dart doesn't go, so we can't go.
Our Doctor also hit the roof when he found out that the family had kept us from knowing about Aunt Win's current living arrangements. I wonder how big of an extra hole in back side he would have ripped, had he known we had kept Gram from knowing one of her Great-granddaughters had tried to commit suicide (another post entirely).
More to come rest assured, but right now, I'm too PO'd to write much more.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Tough Day...
Today turned out to be a lot tougher than I thought. While it was the 63rd anniversary of D-day (June 6, 1944), for myself and other members of my extended family, this was also the day we said our final goodbyes to Aunt Win (the subject of my previous post).
The day started innocently enough. I got woken at around 4am my time by my fur-babies (another post entirely) and after feeding them, and letting Mom Cat out for her Mommy moment, sat down in the living room watching them and trying to plan what I would wear (while not a church goer in the traditional sense, I wanted to look sharp in memory of Aunt Win). Once that was done, I got Gram up, dressed and helped her with Breakfast. After that, I applied her make-up, finished getting ready and then all that was needed was for my Uncle to pick us up.
As we got into the car, I was prepared to let him handle the directions himself (he has lived in this city for nearly 40 years, so I assumed he would know what he was doing, without any back seat driving from me). Brother was I wrong with absolutely disastrous results. What should have been a smooth 1/2 hr drive from our place to the church where services were held, took 45 minutes and the most convoluted way of getting to a place I have ever seen in my life. (*growling at memory*) See, I had been at this same church several years ago for the funeral of my Great Uncle Cecil, as well as having worked in the area. I should have gone with my original plan which was to compare notes with my Uncle before we left.
We went in so many different directions (all because my Uncle was using a computerized map from Google [*growling again*]) and refusing help (stubborn fool), that by the time we arrived, Gram who is not used to long car trips anymore had gotten car sick. She goes in Handy-Dart. We thought of canceling out and returning home, but by the saving grace of yours truly we were able to keep our commitment. You see, because of the weather here (overcast and drizzly), I had put Gram's raincoat on her before I left, doing it up with the buttons, to keep her warm. So when she got sick at the stomach, it was on the raincoat not what she was wearing. Well, we got inside, and paid our respects. It was quite the lovely service, complete with Aunt Win's favorite hymn's and scripture. I felt for my cousins though. Three of them got up to speak and it was all they could do to hold back the tears. You see Aunt Win was like a Second Mother to them (their own one being no picnic---another blog entry perhaps) and her loss was still hitting them quite hard. I was proud of myself for another reason, I was worried about keeping it together, but I shouldn't have been. Aunt Win was more than just my Great Aunt, she was also a terrific friend and a tireless supporter of whatever I chose to do.
Well because of what happened to Gram before we arrived, Uncle Gary and I made the decision to skip the reception, trying to prevent a possible repeat performance on the way home. And this is the other part that is making me PO'd right now. By passing up the reception it meant that Gram didn't get to see her nieces and nephews from her late husband's side of the family. All because my Uncle had to been a stubborn twit and do things his way, including complaining about how the map was screwed up every two seconds, instead of asking for help. I kept dropping hints that I knew where we were from having worked in the area, but the stubborn fool wouldn't accept them.
Two hard lessons I have learned from this day. 1) Never again will I get in the car when my Uncle is driving without comparing notes to ensure we have the quickest way possible to get to our destination and: 2) Anytime Gram and I have to go somewhere for a family function, instead of relying on my idiotic family to pick us up, I will personally track down the destination information and book Handy-Dart.
Anyway, this isn't a day to be complaining on. This is the day where we celebrate the life of a wonderful person.
Win E. 1912-2007 R.I.P. You will be missed but never forgotten
The day started innocently enough. I got woken at around 4am my time by my fur-babies (another post entirely) and after feeding them, and letting Mom Cat out for her Mommy moment, sat down in the living room watching them and trying to plan what I would wear (while not a church goer in the traditional sense, I wanted to look sharp in memory of Aunt Win). Once that was done, I got Gram up, dressed and helped her with Breakfast. After that, I applied her make-up, finished getting ready and then all that was needed was for my Uncle to pick us up.
As we got into the car, I was prepared to let him handle the directions himself (he has lived in this city for nearly 40 years, so I assumed he would know what he was doing, without any back seat driving from me). Brother was I wrong with absolutely disastrous results. What should have been a smooth 1/2 hr drive from our place to the church where services were held, took 45 minutes and the most convoluted way of getting to a place I have ever seen in my life. (*growling at memory*) See, I had been at this same church several years ago for the funeral of my Great Uncle Cecil, as well as having worked in the area. I should have gone with my original plan which was to compare notes with my Uncle before we left.
We went in so many different directions (all because my Uncle was using a computerized map from Google [*growling again*]) and refusing help (stubborn fool), that by the time we arrived, Gram who is not used to long car trips anymore had gotten car sick. She goes in Handy-Dart. We thought of canceling out and returning home, but by the saving grace of yours truly we were able to keep our commitment. You see, because of the weather here (overcast and drizzly), I had put Gram's raincoat on her before I left, doing it up with the buttons, to keep her warm. So when she got sick at the stomach, it was on the raincoat not what she was wearing. Well, we got inside, and paid our respects. It was quite the lovely service, complete with Aunt Win's favorite hymn's and scripture. I felt for my cousins though. Three of them got up to speak and it was all they could do to hold back the tears. You see Aunt Win was like a Second Mother to them (their own one being no picnic---another blog entry perhaps) and her loss was still hitting them quite hard. I was proud of myself for another reason, I was worried about keeping it together, but I shouldn't have been. Aunt Win was more than just my Great Aunt, she was also a terrific friend and a tireless supporter of whatever I chose to do.
Well because of what happened to Gram before we arrived, Uncle Gary and I made the decision to skip the reception, trying to prevent a possible repeat performance on the way home. And this is the other part that is making me PO'd right now. By passing up the reception it meant that Gram didn't get to see her nieces and nephews from her late husband's side of the family. All because my Uncle had to been a stubborn twit and do things his way, including complaining about how the map was screwed up every two seconds, instead of asking for help. I kept dropping hints that I knew where we were from having worked in the area, but the stubborn fool wouldn't accept them.
Two hard lessons I have learned from this day. 1) Never again will I get in the car when my Uncle is driving without comparing notes to ensure we have the quickest way possible to get to our destination and: 2) Anytime Gram and I have to go somewhere for a family function, instead of relying on my idiotic family to pick us up, I will personally track down the destination information and book Handy-Dart.
Anyway, this isn't a day to be complaining on. This is the day where we celebrate the life of a wonderful person.
Win E. 1912-2007 R.I.P. You will be missed but never forgotten
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