God I hate this. Lately when I come to post, it seems to be because I'm feeling sorry for myself. Well this post is no different. I can't stand the pain anymore, and yet I have to wait another week, before I can go for my surgery.
I'm truly tempted to cancel out of the surgery and just let the damn cancer take me. I'm so fed up with the crying jags (which get so bad I almost feel like throwing up). I'm fed up with the continual pain (I'm still using my painkillers, but even they don't help as much as they used too). I'm fed up with trying to be cheerful when I go see Gram, instead of just laying my head in her lap and crying and telling her the truth. I'm really fed up with the lack of sleep from all of this, which zaps my energy and stops me from getting my brand new computer.
If I don't get some relief and soon, well......
1 comment:
Awwww sweetie..... :(
I so understand the frustration and anger you're feeling where the pain is concerned. It's so hard to hang on when you're in so much pain that you feel like you're going to lose your mind... :(
I wish I knew what to say that would help you cope more easily with all of this, Shari. I do know how it feels to have to always put on a brave face for the people you love, when what you really want to do is just scream at everyone to screw off and leave you alone. I've been doing that for eleven years, now. Unfortunately, it just never gets any easier to put that mask on...
I guess all I can say is to hold onto the knowledge that the surgery is going to happen, and try like crazy to fight the desire to just give up and give in. There is light at the end of this particular tunnel; it's just that there's a short detour no one expected that's forcing you to take a longer way around...
I love ya, Sis. I know that might not mean much to you right now, but it's true. I'm pulling for you with everything I have inside of me...
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