Please read the following very carefully. Failure to do so, could result in a major temper explosion from me!!!!!!
I know everybody means well, by asking, but I am so sick and tired of trying to sound cheerful, like I'm just getting over a case of bronchitis or pneumonia. I am fighting cancer people. How the blazes would you expect me to feel. I just found out I am facing a major operation because despite my surgeon's best attempts to save my bladder, tests reveal he can't. And this surgery entails, removing my bladder entirely, along with my uterus, ovaries, and anterior wall of my vagina. Not only that there are major risks involved. 1) I could have a heart attack and croak on the table; 2) I could develop blood clots in my legs. It also means I will be walking around with a stoma bag (to collect urine) the rest of my life. And frankly the thought of what I'm about to face is scaring the crap out of me!!!!!
This is a serious disease people, and quite frankly if you don't get that by now, heaven help you if you should develop cancer.
And the other thing bothering me right now. The two people who mean more to me than anything/anyone on this planet and who always kept me from having a nervous breakdown if I had a health crisis aren't available when I need them the most. Of course, I am speaking of my Grandparents (or in my books, my true Parents). One has been gone (deceased) almost 8 years (my Grandfather) and because of what I'm going through I had to place Gram into a facility, where I can't even see her, because I am also fighting anemia!!!! And even when I do see her, I'm not allowed to say anything about this, under orders from the rest of the family!!!!
So people please, read this and know that I am going through probably the worst time of my life and as to how I am doing,...."LOUSY, THANKS"
As along as everybody reads this, we should be able to avoid a virtual or any other type of temper fit/explosion from me. And believe me, right now, in the mood I'm in, you best be prepared to lose some skin.
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4 comments:
Well, I can certainly understand that you're feeling angry, Shari. You've had a lot on your plate to deal with. Nobody expects you to act cheerful all the time, though; the people who know what you're going through will understand that you have days where you just feel like shit and that's that. As for the surgery, well, you were the one who said you wanted it all out and that you'd deal with having the bag, and that you just wanted the pain to be over. Yes, there are risks - there are always risks involved - but don't let yourself focus on them, Shari, or you're going to do more harm to yourself than good.
I'd be pretty damned terrified, too, if I was facing what you're facing. It's a life-changing thing, especially at such a young age, and it's definitely not going to be an easy thing to adjust to. But your family and your friends will be there to support you and help you as much as possible; don't forget about them, okay?
Pal will be watching over you, Shari - have no fear. And on some level, Gram knows what's going on, too, and she loves you. Don't forget that, either...
Vent and scream and cry as much as you feel like you need to, whenever you feel like you need to. Just try really hard not to let the anger dominate you, sweetie; ask anyone with cancer and they'll tell you that trying to stay positive, and even trying to find humor in the disease, is critically important to your ability to come through this and even go into remission and stay in remission...
I love you, Shari... 'Nuff said...
I'm sorry you're sick Shari, I didn't know. My prayers are with you during this terrible and painful time. I wish you tons of luck, good karma and anything else that will help you get through this. Shadow says to tell you she's praying for you also.
Lynne & Shadow
Hey sweetie. I'm just checking in - I know I haven't done that for awhile - to see how you're holding up. I've been thinking of you almost constantly and worrying about you; I've missed you at the Tree, and I've missed hearing from you... :( Love you, sweetie... *hug*
Wow, Shari. I thought I would have heard from you by now about how things are going. I guess not, eh? *shrug* Well, I hope everything goes well for you on Monday...
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